11 tips how to become an (even) nicer single mom

You can raise a child without a diploma. You do not have to follow a training course or you do not have to attend a course. No, you are just "mommy" overnight. Although some of the points below are open doors, it is sometimes just as good to read tips about parenting. That is why 11 tips on how to become an (even) nicer single mom.


1. Set limits
Believe me, a child wants to know where it stands. Even if he / she pushes boundaries, they want you to set them, because otherwise they don't know where they stand. If your child asks for something and is "no", stay with it. When they realize that your "no" means nothing and that they can always bend it to a "yes", the end is lost. Not only does your child not know where the limits are, they are also very spoiled and can become annoying. Is the child's father still in play?

Your ex may have different rules. That is true. It's nice when the rules are the same, but accept that now that you are apart, you no longer have any control over his rules. If it is possible in the relationship with your ex, try to prepare the rules together and stick to them.

2. Make rules
Set up a few basic rules, if possible with your child. It is important that it is a short list so that children can remember the rules. Do not try to include "not" in the list, as this is a negative approach and do not encourage your children to do so. Make it a positive list of, for example, "being sweet" (instead of "not being annoying"), "helping other people" (instead of "don't just think of yourself") or "sharing" (instead of "don't keep everything to yourself").

3. Take care of routine
As already mentioned, children like it when they know where they stand. Routine in daily life is therefore very important. Make sure there is routine in every day. For example, getting up, washing or showering, putting on clothes and having breakfast together. In the evening before dinner watch TV, eat together, wash and brush your teeth, wear pajamas, read a story (for the younger children) or just behind the internet or TV (for the older children) and go to bed. Of course there will be days in between when you visit someone or when you visit, it is not bad at all that there is less rhythm on that day. Then try to create the rhythm again the next day. Or make sure that you are in the rhythm during the week and that you are more flexible at the weekend.

4. Be an example
You are the first example that children get in their lives, be a good one! What could be better than a child who has you as an example and will follow your example later in life. That they look at you with admiration and hope to someday be like you. Realize that what you do and what you say comes across directly to your child. Regularly look at yourself and critically examine whether you are the example, what you want to be for your child.

5. Be positive
Bears on the road are always conceivable, but what do they bring you? Instead of thinking about the five reasons why something is not possible, think of the one reason why it is possible. Positive thinking is much more fun than negative thinking and it brings you and your child much more happiness. If your child finds something difficult and thinks something is not going to work out, turn it into a fun game and think together about why it might work. Then write down the goal and below the reasons why it will succeed and watch it together every day. We bet that many positive things will come true!

6. Think in possibilities
It is about what is possible, not what is not possible. What is 'not being able' at all? By omitting the words 'not being able', you make a child think in terms of possibilities and not of impossibilities. My daughter is only five, but I am already training myself to stop saying the words 'can't'. We are so used to think small, to be modest and not to go for big goals. I am convinced that if you learn to think big, you will get big. My motto: You think big, you get big.

7. Everything can be said
Teach your child that everything can be talked about. This way they learn to talk and know that they can always come to you when they are bothered by something, but also when they have done something naughty. You learn them to be open and you prevent them from lying or feeling that they cannot talk to you

8. Take time for yourself
The first minutes after I step out the door, I feel guilty to my little daughter, doing something nice for myself. But when I'm on the bike, I also let it go. I also deserve to have an evening for myself and I really believe that it will make me a much nicer mother. If I now heard from my own mother that she never did anything nice for herself when she had me, I would find it really pathetic for her and even feel a little sorry for her. I'd rather hear from my mother that even when she got me, she still enjoyed life to the full and occasionally did nice things for herself. Of course I know better than anyone that, especially if you are a 24/7 mother, you do not have many options to leave the house. Work on a network with women in the same situation as you, so that you can help each other. You can do that in theCommunity of Happy Single Moms , so there is no more excuse to go out the door, because you deserve that!

9. Teach your child to express his / her emotions
In today's society you often hear parents say to their child 'don't cry'. Especially to boys, I often hear parents say “You are a tough boy, aren't you? Tough boys don't cry ”. My opinion is that you learn a child early to suppress feelings. It's okay if a child cries. Of course, children sometimes introduce themselves, but they are a child for that. When you teach a child to express feelings, they also automatically learn that they can feel. By telling them that they are not allowed to cry, you are actually teaching them that it is not okay to feel. One of the biggest problems in our current society is that we are so far away from ourselves and no longer know who we are and don't feel, simply because we can hardly feel anymore ...

10. Show if you don't like something
It's okay to get angry if your child has done something that is not allowed. But bear in mind that when you get angry, you are really angry with what your child has just done or that you may carry stress with you from work or from a fight that you have just had yourself. However, if your child does something that is really not allowed, then it is good to let your child notice this. Never hit your child! Realize that hitting is an expression of your powerlessness, but that this never helps a child. Even a small tick that is perhaps innocent for you can have major consequences in the emotional development of your child. When your child has done something naughty, it is good to have a place where you can put your child down so that they can cool off, for example the corridor. Make sure this place is not the bedroom or playroom, because then they associate that place with something negative. For the older children you can have a conversation with them.

11. Laugh!
Laughter is healthy for you and your child! You also want your child to think about you later and see a smiling mother in front of you?

Do you have a good tip how to become a better single mom? Leave your tip or comment below in the comment box. Thank you!

Read More

agosto 19, 2019 No Comments

Being single only becomes fun after a year

Here is an overview of all the terrible periods that you will go through.

Getting used to the single existence could be compared to moving to another city, for example Tokyo. It's a pretty crazy place and it takes a while before you are acclimatized. In the first month you mainly ask yourself the following: where am I? Who are these people I go out with all the time? Every evening you realize again that you just want to go home. You cry and drink stupid cocktails that first month. You hate it, but you also secretly like it. The first period is mainly about the tragedy of life, and the almost cinematic hedonism that you seek to make the terrible gloom more bearable. Every time you mentally collapse is completely justified - by yourself.

But life goes on. Months go by, and at some point your friends' patience will be exhausted, who will have to listen to your sad stories time after time. In the end, you finish a sentence about your ex that you thought was pretty hilarious - or at least hilarious. But then someone leans forward to whisper in your ear: "Hey, I know it has been difficult, but it has already been ... over a year ago."

And you know, your friend is right. A year is the limit for your mourning, but it is also the exact time it takes to get used to your single existence. It takes a year to pick yourself up again and feel comfortable, with, perhaps, a number of obstacles that you first have to overcome.

This is what those obstacles are.

The first month: parting
This is not surprising. The reason why you broke up can usually be placed, because when you look back, you saw from miles away that you were no longer in balance, and that you both did not make a point of it at the time. You waste all your time by mucking about who did the last shopping, or by pretending that you really felt fine when you were crying all night. You did not say what you feared, so the irritations continued to rise because you were both too proud and too lazy.

So you move to your good friend's couch, where you wake up every morning with a bad taste in your mouth. You wonder who you really are. A man probably grows a beard. A woman cuts a bang or dye her hair blond. Regardless of your gender: you are drunk every night. Finally, you have unsafe sex with someone you don't like at all, and whose body feels strange: what's here? Why does this feel so gross? What the hell is in the back of your neck?

The first month is explosive and surreal. In the end you only learn in this month that Tinder is terrible and that you are not good at it.

The second month: sex with your ex
Adult life only contains four genuine, genuine pleasures. In random order: a cheese toast, taking a nap during Christmas, rain tapping a roof at night and having sex with your ex. Some people believe that this sex only leads to pure misery, and they are right. But only the people who have not lived say that. Sex with your ex is delicious.

It usually starts two months after the relationship break. You will drink a cup of coffee together to 'catch up', one of you bursts into tears (you, probably) and you admit that you are having a hard time. "I miss you so much," you say. Your ex stays silent for a while, because he has to list his options. Admitting that he feels the same shows weakness, but now that he looks into your tearing eyes, he knows there is nothing to lose. "Come home," your ex will say. "You still have to retrieve your DVDs."

It may be kissed, maybe not, but it probably feels like you're stepping into your old teenage bedroom where you pull each other apart. Everything still looks exactly like how you left it. All the things that were once yours and that you loved. The memories. The familiarity. The overwhelming amalgamation between sorrow and forbidden fruits. You shout things at the lamp on the ceiling, because your heart hurts but your genitals laugh. And for the first time everything feels just as good again. No, better than good - everything feels better than ever.

The third month: the second relationship breakdown
The problem with this type of sex is that it can end in two ways: either you get back together, or you're completely devastated. And although the second option can manifest itself in different ways, it always comes down to one thing: one can get over it faster than the other.

Perhaps you are the one who gets over the breakup faster than your ex. In that case: congratulations! You no longer need to read further and you can click through to my follow-up article: "How nice is it to be in love !!!!!" that your ex has a new relationship. You realize that your ex and his or her new partner are driving away from you, in a very fast car, to a distant place, so that you very quickly turn into a dark spot in the rearview mirror.

The sixth month: I'm really doing great!
Your hair has since grown and you have had some nice dates. You tell people that you are doing well, but because you are staring at people without blinking, they doubt that. But yes, it's going well. Then on a Friday night, after drinking three beers, you are stalking your ex on all his or her social media. It itches and you want to scratch. Now that you are finally scratching it feels great. You scratch a little too fanatically, but you continue. You see photos of your ex along with his or her new partner. They laugh, swim, play with a dog - THEY HAVE A DOG ???? - and you almost scratch your skin open. The Facebook messages are tense and insane. Your friends - people you thought you trusted and knew - like the nauseating posts and type "CUTE !!!" under photos. You scratch too hard. There is blood on your hands and you want to stop, but that doesn't work. It was six months ago. You should already be over this, but you are not. You are definitely not over it yet.

The ninth month: maybe you're over it now
You have a favorite date outfit and lots of opinions about Tinder. If you like men then you have learned that you should not go on date with men who are photographed with a fish. If you fall for women you have learned that you should not go on date with women who push the fake luggage of Harry Potter against a 9 3/4 platform. You have no idea where that platform is, but apparently every Tinder girl has been there. So crazy.

Life has adopted a comfortable rhythm. You no longer have any conversations with yourself in which you collect all the truths and incomprehensibility about your ex, and combine them into a razor-sharp knife with the intention to throw it at your ex. You're over it. You are happy.

Except on Sundays. You are never happy on Sunday, because the bachelor life is turbulent: the highs are euphoric, the lows are bottomless. And especially after a wild Saturday night, nothing feels lonely than being alone on a Sunday afternoon.

The twelfth month: what now? 
Now you are really over it. You have been single for so long that you can't really remember what it feels like to have a relationship. You call your friend Steven on: “Steven, want a beer this Friday?” And Steven says: “Certainly! I just ask Brenda if it's okay. "And you say," Ask ... What? Hold on ... Brenda? Brenda is not invited. "

You hang up the phone and wonder exactly where things went wrong with Steven. If you are single, people who have a relationship seem like total fools. Shit, you have become such a turbo bachelor that you are wondering if you can ever fall in love. Has Tinder and Cynicism completely destroyed your ability to be impressed by someone and to share your life with that person? To live like Steven and Brenda? To post photos on Instagram of your partner who is working on creamy pasta inside? Who wants that?

You want that. And one day your life will look like this again. You fall in love again and eat twelve plates of pasta with garlic bread while you look at the most beautiful person in the world. Afterwards you lie down comfortably on the couch. You feel nasty but complete - and very happy.

Read More

agosto 19, 2019 No Comments

From single to happy single: 6 Tips!

Undesirably being single is annoying, but all those hearts, kisses, cards and flowers in the days before Valentine don't make it much better. It is not easy to be alone with all those loving couples around you. Not to speak about all those loving messages on social media ... Bah!

Just become happy single!
If you are happily single, then that entire Valentine event is not such a disaster. You just look over it. Of course, a happy single does not mean that you are happy to be single, but it does mean that on February 14 you can simply ignore grumpy feelings. With these tips you will become a happy single!

1. Open up differently
If you are undesirably single, then you probably put all your energy into finding that so-called true for you. Because of this you close yourself off to people who have no chance in that regard. That means that you have missed out on valuable friendships. Be open to everyone, not just to possible loves, and you will see that you get a lot in return.

2. Take an enthusiastic animal into your home!
If you always come home to an empty and quiet house, you will always be confronted with the facts. A pet is not a partner, but it is a new love, and this love is always happy when you come home. Then you immediately feel less alone!

3. Make sure you look good
You've given up the search for your new love, but that doesn't mean you might as well step out the door on your slippers. Make sure you look well cared for every day. After all, you never know when you bump into love spontaneously, for example in the supermarket. That way you go out into the street every day full of confidence, and you radiate that too.

4. Make yourself happy
If there is no second half to make you happy, you make the first half happy. You should do this anyway! Do fun things for yourself, put the TV on your favorite channel, eat your favorite meal, buy something nice for yourself. If you value yourself enough to make yourself happy, then others want that too!

5. Place it next to you
As long as you do not accept that you have not yet found the true one, you will never be a happy single. You remain unhappy, and that makes you unattractive! So make sure you accept that you are single. That does not mean that you also like it, but it immediately makes your appearance a lot more interesting!

6. Make fun selfies!
Show who you are. Regularly post a fun, spontaneous and above all 'happy' selfie of yourself and post it publicly on social media . You never know where the photo travels. Maybe to that special someone. It's a shame, if you've just learned how to be a happy single!

Read More

agosto 15, 2019 No Comments

How do I become a happy single?

All your friends and acquaintances have found their great love years ago. And you? Well ... with you it always seems to be impossible. You do meet nice people, but they are either already occupied or 'just no relationship material'. And so you have been single for much longer than you would like. And although you often hear and read that you are happy as a single, you do not feel happy at all. Time to do something about it!

Necessities

>Positive attitude

>Nice people around you

To step

Accept that you are single
The first step towards a life as a happy single is immediately the most difficult. Because you can say that you accept that you do not have a relationship, but that is not the same as accepting it completely. You do not have to be happy that you do not have a partner, but you do have to resign. Otherwise it will be very difficult to be really happy .

A tip to get you started accepting being single: ask yourself why you think you would be happier in a relationship. Once you have an answer to that, look at reality. Do the couples in your environment really give the impression that it is all just a scent of roses in their relationship?

Stop searching
You have probably spent a lot of time, consciously or unconsciously, searching for the one man or woman you would like to grow old with. Perhaps you have wondered with everyone you met if this was true . And maybe you have been looking for a candidate to start a relationship wherever you came. Or did you register on as many dating sites as possible , hoping that you would receive an email from your great love . You already had enough friends, so you didn't waste any energy making new friends.

A pity, because there is a chance that you have missed a valuable friendship. And with that maybe even your prince (es) on the white horse , because many love relationships arise from friendships. Instead of moping about it, you can use it to your advantage to become a happy single. Stop your search today and try to open yourself up to other people instead . Whether they match your image of the ideal friend or not.

Take care of yourself
When you were looking for the true one, you made sure that you always looked your best . After all, you never knew when you would bump into him or her ... The fact that you stop searching now does not mean that you can also stop looking good. After all, the chance that you will meet someone nice is still present. But taking good care of yourself is also nice for you: it makes you happy . Eating healthy, exercising enough and dressing nicely is therefore a great tool to become a happy single.

Invest in your own happiness
You don't have a partner that makes you happy. But that does not mean that you cannot be happy either. In fact, whether you are in a relationship or not, the only one who can really make you happy is you . That may sound like a killer, but have you never heard the stories of people who felt good and happy, and then suddenly encountered the love of their lives ? Most of them will tell you that they actually didn't need a relationship at all at that time in their lives. They were satisfied with who they were and how they lived, they considered a partner more as a bonus than a necessity.

So try to find out what makes you happy . That could be your friends, a nice job, but also a good book or a nice meal. Or all those things together. Try to bring as many of these things into your life as possible and enjoy them. And also remember that you have the freedom to do whatever you want, since you don't have to take a partner into account. That gives you every opportunity to organize your life exactly as you want it. You can also be very happy about that.

Have fun
Happy people actually have more fun , but it also works the other way around: by having fun you increase your sense of happiness . So go for it and have fun, instead of staying at home. As an extra bonus you will notice that everyone suddenly comes to you naturally. Because if you are happy and enjoy life, you will automatically shine. And that makes you attractive to others . Perhaps the true is not with the people you meet, but you don't have to? After all, you are a happy single ...

Read More

agosto 14, 2019 No Comments

5 ways to be happy and enjoy your life to the full even as a single person

Who said that single life is sad and boring? Being single when used well can give us a lot of satisfaction. Let's see 5 things to do to live happily as a single person.


1. Rediscover yourself and what you like best
It is statistically proven that singles do more exercise and eat more healthily than paired.
Just think that after getting married most people will relax and put on a few pounds. Single life is also the optimal condition to dedicate more time and space to our knowledge, to discover what our hobbies and passions are, to which we have the most pleasure to dedicate our time.

Not having to commit energy to find compromises on how to spend your free time with your partner, we have more chances to do often what we like
best. The singletudine can also be an opportunity to discover hidden talents or to dust off ancient passions that we have sacrificed to spend as much time as possible with our partner.
Then we can finally think of organizing the trip that we have so desired and that we have not granted ourselves because our partner was not enthusiastic ..

2. Improve your self-esteem
There is nothing better than dealing with problems alone when we want to increase our self-esteem. The fact that we do not have a partner we can rely on to make decisions or that helps us solve everyday problems allows us to show off our autonomy, problem solving and determination skills.

3. Expand your knowledge network
Being single does not mean being alone. Rather! Don't miss an opportunity to leave home and meet new people. Make friends with your neighbors if you don't know them yet. Aggregate to groups, associations and more, dedicated to hobbies and activities that you like. In this way, you will meet new people who have the same interests as you, with whom you will have common conversation topics.

4. Care for your home
When you are single, your environment becomes even more important. Being only at your disposal, it completely reflects yourself. It can therefore become an important means of personal expression. Use the colors that you like best, which convey to you what you need: joy, serenity, joy, etc. Buy items that reflect you, talk about you, convey something to you.

5. Spend time with friends and family
If you are single, you have the privilege of spending more time with family and friends. You can more easily be available in the event of invitations at the last minute, things to do improvised, in short, live less with the anxiety of free time planning. You can be more helpful for the friend who needs to be urgently consoled.
When you're in a couple, friendships end up in the background. Priority becomes one's partner.
Singles are able to more easily keep friends, to cultivate them over time and this makes them better friends than paired. It is important to spend a lot of time
with family and friends because they are relationships that can last a lifetime, often even more than a marriage!
You could baby-sit children or look after animals of friends and family. It can be a way to feel part of a whole, to banish loneliness, in a moment of your life in which you do not have the affection and comfort of a companion.

Read More

agosto 08, 2019 No Comments

How to be an effective single mom?

It's time to celebrate women who do everything by themselves!

I have been a single mother for the past 27 years, and despite having been married twice (this has allowed me to live "the mother situation" also from the point of view of a married woman) in recent years I have experienced varied social and personal experiences that have not always proved to be supportive and free from prejudices and judgments both towards me and against my two children. It is time for me to express my point of view on the advantages and also on the actions that a single mother can put in place to live with her creatures the quality of life she desires.

Single mothers are people to be admired, not to be ignored or worse still to consider as standard B. They are normally tireless workers and have clear priorities. It is necessary to suspend judgment to understand how the mind of a single mother works because it is the living example of the effectiveness of multi-tasking ability at home and in life. There is nothing comparable around, not even the ability to manage a multinational company (I know something about it, I've been working on it for years), the single mother is in a state of her own, it's an experience in itself.

Being a single mother is a tough job, but it's also an incredible experience.

I admit it, I still dissociate myself, when some colleague or enlightened "expert" in the field (maybe fresh / or graduated, or without the slightest direct or indirect experience) addresses us courageous women as a bad example of parenting. What is unknown, judged and sometimes feared, so a label for these people is often reassuring. I was raised by a single mother and I have dozens of family and friends who are mothers or single fathers themselves. For what they heroically do every day in the world, I think that single parents have not been given the right recognition they deserve! After all, many of us would not be here without them. So I confronted single mothers and talked to their adult children, and I was also inspired by some of my past experiences with my mother.

1) Did you know that there is a party to celebrate single parents? It's true! In 1984, President Ronald Reagan consecrated the National Single Day Parents on March 21st. Americans are good enough to create and celebrate holidays to honor the things, people and events they admire and are moved by noble intentions. This means that it is also time for Itala to recognize the strength and dedication it takes to be a single parent.

2) Single moms don't have to negotiate (unless they want to). All decisions at home are unilateral. What you say is law. The only reaction to face is: "It's not fair! Alas !! Another advantage of this fact is that, in the absence of discussion with the partner, you learn a lot from these experiences directly with your children. You can show them how to communicate and express frustration without shouting, for example. I remember the old saying: "If the mother is not happy, nobody is happy"

3) We are role models for independence. When there is no one else there to do the things we are not able to do, we learn (I can paint the house on my own and I also mount the furniture, for example, I have a very skilled friend to repair irons and electrical sockets). I also know of single mums who changed tires, connected a TV system, learned to cook, moved heavy furniture, hung shelves and even assembled bikes for their babies for Christmas. A colleague of mine once told me that he found these skills incredibly sexy and cmq. by doing this, single mothers educate their children to be truly independent. When children grow up and start looking for a relationship, it's generally because they really like someone, not because they need one to survive.

4) Sharing the "thalamus" is a choice. The National Sleep Foundation reports that sleeping in two in the same bed can result in the loss of at least 49 minutes of sleep per night. This is unacceptable for every mom, but it's absolutely obscene for a single mom. These single parents are lucky because generally, they sleep (after the first years of the life of the little ones) calmly all the time they want. They can choose to co-sleep with children on a stormy night or in the company of a partner, at their discretion.

5) They are often in better shape. A Cornell University study found that women generally earn 5-8 pounds in the first few years of marriage. And what gets worse if you are unhappily married. Single Moms: they don't have to give up the salad for dinner because their spouse is hungry for pasta and ragù, or suffer the temptation of fried foods that the spouse eats. What is another freedom arising from being a single mother? Go to sleep whenever you like. Wear what you want, without having to do surveys on the partner's satisfaction. In other words, there is no need to justify your choices with anyone.

6) Single mothers are Superheroes. Their children think they are exceptional (and they are!). The children of single mothers think that they are extraordinary when mum can: cook the homemade pizza for the parents' meeting in the church, take them to the catechism, do the tests of the carnival dress and take them in time to their birthday party best friend, in time to return from their work. These children also love that the mother always finds the time to help them unlock a video game, or participate carefully in the collection of shells on the beach, and start to mount the scale dinosaur with him. Single parent homes require flexibility in the role (what my son Martin called a day "mapà"). It is when mothers can pull out both of these aspects that children can feel safe and protected on all fronts. The single mother is trained to be a guide and shoulder for support beyond the contingent situation.

7) The struggle for survival creates a close-knit family. Some might argue that this is not good for children because it makes them mature faster than they would in a family with two parents, but when family members with a single parent have to organize and rely on each other, the harmony that occurs is undeniable. Just like in sports, single-family teams must work together. This is exactly what happens in families of single mothers, children learn the value of teamwork and to be reliable.

8) Children, thankfully, remember everything. They remember who was there to help them with their homework, cook them, clean them, who brought them to play football and the races from work to be present at their play. They also remember how their mothers gave up an appointment or an extraordinary shift to be with them when they were sick, or how they helped them achieve their goals.

9) Single mothers have a monopoly on the values ?? with which their children grow. Once they live with a full-time parent, this is the lifestyle children tend to adopt, even if the father was a "Negative". Single mothers are free to raise their children with the skills, morals, beliefs, character, and lifestyle they have chosen.

10) Single mothers have the strong inner power and not only. I can find their strength to be better for their children. This is growing progress with the experience that many other parents never reach. Satisfaction, when children are successful against predictions, is exhilarating because it is the crowning achievement of their efforts. It is a reward for all the demanding work and sacrifices.

11) Sometimes these extraordinary women slip into an emotionally unsatisfactory or abusive relationship and the challenge is to get out of them as best as possible and as soon as possible. This is a great lesson for your children. When a mother moves away from a violent partner, the children see and learn the importance of setting limits for herself and that she is respecting herself by acting correctly so as not to allow anyone to cross those boundaries. BETTER HAPPY BY ONLY THOSE ABUSED UNHAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP OR IN A MARRIAGE! Here is what the message that children internalize and manifest in their future relationships.

12) Single mothers are super creative and astute. A single income certainly creates some discomfort, but this does not mean that a home with a single parent cannot be happy and fulfilling. This challenge drives you to do some creative management. Instead of going out and buying a clown costume for the school play, you create it with your children with what you have at home or with the remnants of fabrics from a friend of mamma. Single mothers are also masterful in creating "homemade fun". They make candy at home, make camping tents in the living room and make pillow fights in bed.

13) Here's a big advantage: Often you don't have a mother-in-law!

14) Single moms discover and deal with things they didn't know they had the strength to do. This allows us, quietly, to try things that others have always secretly wanted and had never had the courage to do. And we become an example for others. "But how do you do it?" It's a constant question in my life. And my answer is, after: "just organize", "well if I did it you can do it too". "Of course, if Tiziana can raise 2 children go back to study, become an entrepreneur, pay her husband's debts, write books, go to her son's marathon and make homemade bread every day, well if that's not a demonstration of where and how to find our inner driving force, that power that drives us to move forward even when things are really challenging, I don't know what else it is. Once in an interview with a colleague who has always lived in economic abundance, I said that my children and I found ourselves living with a cost of around 60 euros to feed us a month. To his puzzled look I replied with a precise list: “with 0.49 cents you buy one kg. of flour, 0.20 cents 2 beer yeasts, mixed vegetables cost 0.67 cents at this supermarket and if you serve them 4 times, the pasta costs 0.40 cents per kg in that other supermarket, the sandwich costs around 0.36 cents and with 4 packs we prepare breakfast for the month to go to school with jam 1.45, etc ... etc ... To his puzzled look I replied with a precise list: “with 0.49 cents you buy one kg. of flour, 0.20 cents 2 beer yeasts, mixed vegetables cost 0.67 cents at this supermarket and if you serve them 4 times, the pasta costs 0.40 cents per kg in that other supermarket, the sandwich costs around 0.36 cents and with 4 packs we prepare breakfast for the month to go to school with jam 1.45, etc ... etc ... To his puzzled look I replied with a precise list: “with 0.49 cents you buy one kg. of flour, 0.20 cents 2 beer yeasts, mixed vegetables cost 0.67 cents at this supermarket and if you serve them 4 times, the pasta costs 0.40 cents per kg in that other supermarket, the sandwich costs around 0.36 cents and with 4 packs we prepare breakfast for the month to go to school with jam 1.45, etc ... etc ...

In my experience single mothers are stronger than many other people because things and situations must create them and earn in spite of phrases like: "Oh, it's a shame that those kids have no father, poor children" To as I see it, single mothers and single fathers today are the backbone of the new world to come.

Here are 2 secrets to being an effective single mother.

Know your priorities! children are always at the top of the rankings.
Be a good planner. Define a monthly budget and respect it, plan the extraordinary expenses within the budget: trips and celebrate special occasions, always.
At home, be parents but also the best friend for your children. Besides being both the mother who nurtures and is the father who disciplines, a best friend is essential for your children. They need someone to talk to, play and learn.
At work, be the best of yourself. It is necessary to have a job to support a family, better if it is the one that realizes you in your talents. It makes you proud of yourself. Who says you can only live on food? Why depend on your ex when you can make full use of your talents and skills to provide your children on their own, everything you need?
Choose a time for you and dedicate yourself to the things you love or your passions. What can you give your children if your "batteries" are empty?
always be grateful, stop and think of all the people you have met and who surround you ready to support you.
Did you find my post interesting? Leave a comment below and share it with your friends. What is your experience regarding the topic of the post?

A taken, with gratitude always ... to the next post

Read More

agosto 07, 2019 No Comments

Singles for Christmas? Here's how to enjoy it, the sexologist tells you

In Italy there are more than 7 million single people. But for the collective imagination, the festivities coincide with one of the most difficult moments for lonely hearts.

Because everything - from the happy couples you see on the streets to party to the insistent questions of relatives about why you are not yet engaged - seems to want to remind you that without a partner you cannot be happy and enjoy the true Christmas atmosphere.

Don't get caught up in these clichés, because in reality these festivities are a great opportunity to have fun, without feeling less than others. What's more, it is also a great opportunity to prepare for the next beautiful love story to come.

Do not you believe it? We talked about it with Maria Claudia Biscione , psychotherapist and sexologist, who explained to us why spending Christmas as a single is a great privilege and has so many advantages.

Singles at Christmas, what luck! Word of the sexologist
Do not panic if you are not living a relationship, rather see it as a benefit you can exploit in your favor. "Don't consider your being single as a problem, rather rate it as an added value," explains the expert.
A widespread sentimental condition: lots of modern research shows that not having a story, especially at this time of year, is a great opportunity with oneself of continuous growth and evolution.
People who do not live in a couple have a better principle of self-determination, of positive energy in improving themselves and in cultivating interests and curiosity for life. This makes the singles freer and therefore more serene.

The false problems of being single at Christmas
It has happened to all of us to feel cornered by the judgment of others, who look at you with compassionate eyes, because unfortunately this year too you are the only one who presents herself alone for lunches and dinners.
Not to mention the sense of loneliness that grips you when you least expect it, as you watch the couples in love who, like this year, never seem to appear anywhere. These are all illusory concerns, if you stop to think and do not get carried away by victimization and paranoia.
"The perception you have of feeling yourself at fault is due to the fact that often others, even without malice and without wanting to, see your singletudine status as deficient, putting on a standardized category, which has something less than those who are married, to children ... ", comments the psychotherapist.
"It is this attribution, this mirroring that others refer to you, that makes you believe that it is a problem to be alone. Let them understand that this is not the case and value your choice, explaining that what you are experiencing is absolutely a moment of consensuality with yourself compared to what you want and the needs you have ”.
And on the front of solitude? "This is also a fake problem, because it is a state of mind not an objective factor. Think about it: you can stay as a couple and feel very alone, as you can be without a partner and be absolutely in tune with yourself. It is important for which to promote the conception you have of yourself and the conviction that the choice you are making at the moment is a free decision because maybe you have not met anyone who improves your life and that does not make you better or worse than the others".
Being single is simply a matter of fact, for the moment momentary, in which you are in tune with yourself and with the motivations that make you at that juncture single. It should be experienced as a state of affairs that can change and change at any moment and the only one that can decide and implement it is just you.

The advantages of being single at Christmas
Not having a partner to whom giving an account during the holidays can have many positive sides, it is time to highlight them. "In the meantime, you are not stuck in the typical compromises of parties, which all couples live and which often lead them to quarrel. Christmas puts a strain on love relationships because you experience the pressures related to the family of origin and the arrangements that must be made to not upset anyone "explains Biscione. "One of the absolute advantages that singles have during the Christmas holidays is to be absolutely free to choose, even at the last moment, with whom to stay, where to go and how to organize their free time"
We spend Christmas in an absolutely self-directed and self-centered way and this is a nice privilege, because it certainly allows you to live in a truly carefree way, precisely because you are free from those joints that often pollute relationships instead.
Mom's question: how come you don't have a boyfriend yet?
Do not feel at the mercy of family members and tried and tested couples who do not miss the opportunity to ask you why you do not have a partner.
It positively sponsors what is apparently negative for others. Emphasize and validate your decisions, what you are experiencing, the fact that you are giving yourself a moment of great freedom, carelessness and joy ".

The right attitude to live the great festivities
These holidays can be a great opportunity to pamper yourself and take care of yourself, but above all to understand what you really want from a relationship. "Being single not only gives you the opportunity to think about yourself but allows you to pursue an intimate and inner search, to understand what your real desires are, the type of man you want next, without giving in to the temptation to settle "The expert continues. "And this is good for your self-esteem because you take your life in hand and guide it to your happiness, with courage and determination"

This mental attitude is also very useful to better accommodate your next love story: facing a relationship with a good ability to be centered and in intimate contact with ourselves is the best way to find the right person.

When we are too "hungry" for love, we inevitably become too unbalanced to choose the best for ourselves.

Feeding ourselves, when we are alone, of the awareness of what we are, of what we want, is an investment for our sentimental future. We learn to understand what we feel we deserve and what we really need. This creates a powerful attraction, a kind of positive appeal of men that can work better for us and, at the same time, a somewhat implicit exclusion of those that can somehow be harmful or trivially useless.

5 tips to celebrate your singletudine even at Christmas
"I deserve"
Learn to perceive yourself as a person who deserves to be happy, to have a man who knows how to make you shine and to improve your life. Repeat it like a mantra, so as not to settle and expect to have a special man next to you, because you are special.

Learn to keep your company
Solitude, as we have said, is a state of the soul. So start to love yourself, respect yourself and be happy in the company of yourself. If you appreciate yourself and are serene, you will certainly release positive and proactive energy, which will attract better quality relationships.

Train your seduction and your eros
This training teaches you to never lose the goal of how to improve your erotic self-esteem and your seductive ability, especially when you are alone. Get in touch with the limits you want to overcome, with the embarrassments you want to get out of, with the inhibitions you want to get rid of. And when you don't have a partner, you can do it with more freedom, because you feel less the pressure of the other's expectations.

Celebrated
Christmas can be an excellent opportunity to think of making gifts, both material and non-material, that can be used throughout the year. So try to imagine filling your tree with lots of packets, be they good intentions or initiatives or experiences to do throughout 2018.
Always remember how much you are worth
The value is obviously linked to your daily life, to the awareness that you have of yourself and to the fact that if you love yourself, it will also be easier for you to love each other in a healthy way.

Read More

agosto 06, 2019 No Comments