You can raise a child without a diploma. You do not have to follow a training course or you do not have to attend a course. No, you are just "mommy" overnight. Although some of the points below are open doors, it is sometimes just as good to read tips about parenting. That is why 11 tips on how to become an (even) nicer single mom.
1. Set limits
Believe me, a child wants to know where it stands. Even if he / she pushes boundaries, they want you to set them, because otherwise they don't know where they stand. If your child asks for something and is "no", stay with it. When they realize that your "no" means nothing and that they can always bend it to a "yes", the end is lost. Not only does your child not know where the limits are, they are also very spoiled and can become annoying. Is the child's father still in play?
Your ex may have different rules. That is true. It's nice when the rules are the same, but accept that now that you are apart, you no longer have any control over his rules. If it is possible in the relationship with your ex, try to prepare the rules together and stick to them.
2. Make rules
Set up a few basic rules, if possible with your child. It is important that it is a short list so that children can remember the rules. Do not try to include "not" in the list, as this is a negative approach and do not encourage your children to do so. Make it a positive list of, for example, "being sweet" (instead of "not being annoying"), "helping other people" (instead of "don't just think of yourself") or "sharing" (instead of "don't keep everything to yourself").
3. Take care of routine
As already mentioned, children like it when they know where they stand. Routine in daily life is therefore very important. Make sure there is routine in every day. For example, getting up, washing or showering, putting on clothes and having breakfast together. In the evening before dinner watch TV, eat together, wash and brush your teeth, wear pajamas, read a story (for the younger children) or just behind the internet or TV (for the older children) and go to bed. Of course there will be days in between when you visit someone or when you visit, it is not bad at all that there is less rhythm on that day. Then try to create the rhythm again the next day. Or make sure that you are in the rhythm during the week and that you are more flexible at the weekend.
4. Be an example
You are the first example that children get in their lives, be a good one! What could be better than a child who has you as an example and will follow your example later in life. That they look at you with admiration and hope to someday be like you. Realize that what you do and what you say comes across directly to your child. Regularly look at yourself and critically examine whether you are the example, what you want to be for your child.
5. Be positive
Bears on the road are always conceivable, but what do they bring you? Instead of thinking about the five reasons why something is not possible, think of the one reason why it is possible. Positive thinking is much more fun than negative thinking and it brings you and your child much more happiness. If your child finds something difficult and thinks something is not going to work out, turn it into a fun game and think together about why it might work. Then write down the goal and below the reasons why it will succeed and watch it together every day. We bet that many positive things will come true!
6. Think in possibilities
It is about what is possible, not what is not possible. What is 'not being able' at all? By omitting the words 'not being able', you make a child think in terms of possibilities and not of impossibilities. My daughter is only five, but I am already training myself to stop saying the words 'can't'. We are so used to think small, to be modest and not to go for big goals. I am convinced that if you learn to think big, you will get big. My motto: You think big, you get big.
7. Everything can be said
Teach your child that everything can be talked about. This way they learn to talk and know that they can always come to you when they are bothered by something, but also when they have done something naughty. You learn them to be open and you prevent them from lying or feeling that they cannot talk to you
8. Take time for yourself
The first minutes after I step out the door, I feel guilty to my little daughter, doing something nice for myself. But when I'm on the bike, I also let it go. I also deserve to have an evening for myself and I really believe that it will make me a much nicer mother. If I now heard from my own mother that she never did anything nice for herself when she had me, I would find it really pathetic for her and even feel a little sorry for her. I'd rather hear from my mother that even when she got me, she still enjoyed life to the full and occasionally did nice things for herself. Of course I know better than anyone that, especially if you are a 24/7 mother, you do not have many options to leave the house. Work on a network with women in the same situation as you, so that you can help each other. You can do that in theCommunity of Happy Single Moms , so there is no more excuse to go out the door, because you deserve that!
9. Teach your child to express his / her emotions
In today's society you often hear parents say to their child 'don't cry'. Especially to boys, I often hear parents say “You are a tough boy, aren't you? Tough boys don't cry ”. My opinion is that you learn a child early to suppress feelings. It's okay if a child cries. Of course, children sometimes introduce themselves, but they are a child for that. When you teach a child to express feelings, they also automatically learn that they can feel. By telling them that they are not allowed to cry, you are actually teaching them that it is not okay to feel. One of the biggest problems in our current society is that we are so far away from ourselves and no longer know who we are and don't feel, simply because we can hardly feel anymore ...
10. Show if you don't like something
It's okay to get angry if your child has done something that is not allowed. But bear in mind that when you get angry, you are really angry with what your child has just done or that you may carry stress with you from work or from a fight that you have just had yourself. However, if your child does something that is really not allowed, then it is good to let your child notice this. Never hit your child! Realize that hitting is an expression of your powerlessness, but that this never helps a child. Even a small tick that is perhaps innocent for you can have major consequences in the emotional development of your child. When your child has done something naughty, it is good to have a place where you can put your child down so that they can cool off, for example the corridor. Make sure this place is not the bedroom or playroom, because then they associate that place with something negative. For the older children you can have a conversation with them.
11. Laugh!
Laughter is healthy for you and your child! You also want your child to think about you later and see a smiling mother in front of you?
Do you have a good tip how to become a better single mom? Leave your tip or comment below in the comment box. Thank you!
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