Here is an overview of all the terrible periods that you will go through.
Getting used to the single existence could be compared to moving to another city, for example Tokyo. It's a pretty crazy place and it takes a while before you are acclimatized. In the first month you mainly ask yourself the following: where am I? Who are these people I go out with all the time? Every evening you realize again that you just want to go home. You cry and drink stupid cocktails that first month. You hate it, but you also secretly like it. The first period is mainly about the tragedy of life, and the almost cinematic hedonism that you seek to make the terrible gloom more bearable. Every time you mentally collapse is completely justified - by yourself.
But life goes on. Months go by, and at some point your friends' patience will be exhausted, who will have to listen to your sad stories time after time. In the end, you finish a sentence about your ex that you thought was pretty hilarious - or at least hilarious. But then someone leans forward to whisper in your ear: "Hey, I know it has been difficult, but it has already been ... over a year ago."
And you know, your friend is right. A year is the limit for your mourning, but it is also the exact time it takes to get used to your single existence. It takes a year to pick yourself up again and feel comfortable, with, perhaps, a number of obstacles that you first have to overcome.
This is what those obstacles are.
The first month: parting
This is not surprising. The reason why you broke up can usually be placed, because when you look back, you saw from miles away that you were no longer in balance, and that you both did not make a point of it at the time. You waste all your time by mucking about who did the last shopping, or by pretending that you really felt fine when you were crying all night. You did not say what you feared, so the irritations continued to rise because you were both too proud and too lazy.
So you move to your good friend's couch, where you wake up every morning with a bad taste in your mouth. You wonder who you really are. A man probably grows a beard. A woman cuts a bang or dye her hair blond. Regardless of your gender: you are drunk every night. Finally, you have unsafe sex with someone you don't like at all, and whose body feels strange: what's here? Why does this feel so gross? What the hell is in the back of your neck?
The first month is explosive and surreal. In the end you only learn in this month that Tinder is terrible and that you are not good at it.
The second month: sex with your ex
Adult life only contains four genuine, genuine pleasures. In random order: a cheese toast, taking a nap during Christmas, rain tapping a roof at night and having sex with your ex. Some people believe that this sex only leads to pure misery, and they are right. But only the people who have not lived say that. Sex with your ex is delicious.
It usually starts two months after the relationship break. You will drink a cup of coffee together to 'catch up', one of you bursts into tears (you, probably) and you admit that you are having a hard time. "I miss you so much," you say. Your ex stays silent for a while, because he has to list his options. Admitting that he feels the same shows weakness, but now that he looks into your tearing eyes, he knows there is nothing to lose. "Come home," your ex will say. "You still have to retrieve your DVDs."
It may be kissed, maybe not, but it probably feels like you're stepping into your old teenage bedroom where you pull each other apart. Everything still looks exactly like how you left it. All the things that were once yours and that you loved. The memories. The familiarity. The overwhelming amalgamation between sorrow and forbidden fruits. You shout things at the lamp on the ceiling, because your heart hurts but your genitals laugh. And for the first time everything feels just as good again. No, better than good - everything feels better than ever.
The third month: the second relationship breakdown
The problem with this type of sex is that it can end in two ways: either you get back together, or you're completely devastated. And although the second option can manifest itself in different ways, it always comes down to one thing: one can get over it faster than the other.
Perhaps you are the one who gets over the breakup faster than your ex. In that case: congratulations! You no longer need to read further and you can click through to my follow-up article: "How nice is it to be in love !!!!!" that your ex has a new relationship. You realize that your ex and his or her new partner are driving away from you, in a very fast car, to a distant place, so that you very quickly turn into a dark spot in the rearview mirror.
The sixth month: I'm really doing great!
Your hair has since grown and you have had some nice dates. You tell people that you are doing well, but because you are staring at people without blinking, they doubt that. But yes, it's going well. Then on a Friday night, after drinking three beers, you are stalking your ex on all his or her social media. It itches and you want to scratch. Now that you are finally scratching it feels great. You scratch a little too fanatically, but you continue. You see photos of your ex along with his or her new partner. They laugh, swim, play with a dog - THEY HAVE A DOG ???? - and you almost scratch your skin open. The Facebook messages are tense and insane. Your friends - people you thought you trusted and knew - like the nauseating posts and type "CUTE !!!" under photos. You scratch too hard. There is blood on your hands and you want to stop, but that doesn't work. It was six months ago. You should already be over this, but you are not. You are definitely not over it yet.
The ninth month: maybe you're over it now
You have a favorite date outfit and lots of opinions about Tinder. If you like men then you have learned that you should not go on date with men who are photographed with a fish. If you fall for women you have learned that you should not go on date with women who push the fake luggage of Harry Potter against a 9 3/4 platform. You have no idea where that platform is, but apparently every Tinder girl has been there. So crazy.
Life has adopted a comfortable rhythm. You no longer have any conversations with yourself in which you collect all the truths and incomprehensibility about your ex, and combine them into a razor-sharp knife with the intention to throw it at your ex. You're over it. You are happy.
Except on Sundays. You are never happy on Sunday, because the bachelor life is turbulent: the highs are euphoric, the lows are bottomless. And especially after a wild Saturday night, nothing feels lonely than being alone on a Sunday afternoon.
The twelfth month: what now?
Now you are really over it. You have been single for so long that you can't really remember what it feels like to have a relationship. You call your friend Steven on: “Steven, want a beer this Friday?” And Steven says: “Certainly! I just ask Brenda if it's okay. "And you say," Ask ... What? Hold on ... Brenda? Brenda is not invited. "
You hang up the phone and wonder exactly where things went wrong with Steven. If you are single, people who have a relationship seem like total fools. Shit, you have become such a turbo bachelor that you are wondering if you can ever fall in love. Has Tinder and Cynicism completely destroyed your ability to be impressed by someone and to share your life with that person? To live like Steven and Brenda? To post photos on Instagram of your partner who is working on creamy pasta inside? Who wants that?
You want that. And one day your life will look like this again. You fall in love again and eat twelve plates of pasta with garlic bread while you look at the most beautiful person in the world. Afterwards you lie down comfortably on the couch. You feel nasty but complete - and very happy.
Comment Policy : Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, saepe gubergren sed id, et est posse insolens temporibus, alterum blandit offendit est et. Quando vocibus nam at. Quo malis detraxit ut, eu nulla decore mentitum, eu ferri postulant urbanitas pri. Nihil consul viderer vel ea, vel doctus accusamus gloriatur ut. Elitr iuvaret.