In Italy there are more than 7 million single people. But for the collective imagination, the festivities coincide with one of the most difficult moments for lonely hearts.
Because everything - from the happy couples you see on the streets to party to the insistent questions of relatives about why you are not yet engaged - seems to want to remind you that without a partner you cannot be happy and enjoy the true Christmas atmosphere.
Don't get caught up in these clichés, because in reality these festivities are a great opportunity to have fun, without feeling less than others. What's more, it is also a great opportunity to prepare for the next beautiful love story to come.
Do not you believe it? We talked about it with Maria Claudia Biscione , psychotherapist and sexologist, who explained to us why spending Christmas as a single is a great privilege and has so many advantages.
Singles at Christmas, what luck! Word of the sexologist
Do not panic if you are not living a relationship, rather see it as a benefit you can exploit in your favor. "Don't consider your being single as a problem, rather rate it as an added value," explains the expert.
A widespread sentimental condition: lots of modern research shows that not having a story, especially at this time of year, is a great opportunity with oneself of continuous growth and evolution.
People who do not live in a couple have a better principle of self-determination, of positive energy in improving themselves and in cultivating interests and curiosity for life. This makes the singles freer and therefore more serene.
The false problems of being single at Christmas
It has happened to all of us to feel cornered by the judgment of others, who look at you with compassionate eyes, because unfortunately this year too you are the only one who presents herself alone for lunches and dinners.
Not to mention the sense of loneliness that grips you when you least expect it, as you watch the couples in love who, like this year, never seem to appear anywhere. These are all illusory concerns, if you stop to think and do not get carried away by victimization and paranoia.
"The perception you have of feeling yourself at fault is due to the fact that often others, even without malice and without wanting to, see your singletudine status as deficient, putting on a standardized category, which has something less than those who are married, to children ... ", comments the psychotherapist.
"It is this attribution, this mirroring that others refer to you, that makes you believe that it is a problem to be alone. Let them understand that this is not the case and value your choice, explaining that what you are experiencing is absolutely a moment of consensuality with yourself compared to what you want and the needs you have ”.
And on the front of solitude? "This is also a fake problem, because it is a state of mind not an objective factor. Think about it: you can stay as a couple and feel very alone, as you can be without a partner and be absolutely in tune with yourself. It is important for which to promote the conception you have of yourself and the conviction that the choice you are making at the moment is a free decision because maybe you have not met anyone who improves your life and that does not make you better or worse than the others".
Being single is simply a matter of fact, for the moment momentary, in which you are in tune with yourself and with the motivations that make you at that juncture single. It should be experienced as a state of affairs that can change and change at any moment and the only one that can decide and implement it is just you.
The advantages of being single at Christmas
Not having a partner to whom giving an account during the holidays can have many positive sides, it is time to highlight them. "In the meantime, you are not stuck in the typical compromises of parties, which all couples live and which often lead them to quarrel. Christmas puts a strain on love relationships because you experience the pressures related to the family of origin and the arrangements that must be made to not upset anyone "explains Biscione. "One of the absolute advantages that singles have during the Christmas holidays is to be absolutely free to choose, even at the last moment, with whom to stay, where to go and how to organize their free time"
We spend Christmas in an absolutely self-directed and self-centered way and this is a nice privilege, because it certainly allows you to live in a truly carefree way, precisely because you are free from those joints that often pollute relationships instead.
Mom's question: how come you don't have a boyfriend yet?
Do not feel at the mercy of family members and tried and tested couples who do not miss the opportunity to ask you why you do not have a partner.
It positively sponsors what is apparently negative for others. Emphasize and validate your decisions, what you are experiencing, the fact that you are giving yourself a moment of great freedom, carelessness and joy ".
The right attitude to live the great festivities
These holidays can be a great opportunity to pamper yourself and take care of yourself, but above all to understand what you really want from a relationship. "Being single not only gives you the opportunity to think about yourself but allows you to pursue an intimate and inner search, to understand what your real desires are, the type of man you want next, without giving in to the temptation to settle "The expert continues. "And this is good for your self-esteem because you take your life in hand and guide it to your happiness, with courage and determination"
This mental attitude is also very useful to better accommodate your next love story: facing a relationship with a good ability to be centered and in intimate contact with ourselves is the best way to find the right person.
When we are too "hungry" for love, we inevitably become too unbalanced to choose the best for ourselves.
Feeding ourselves, when we are alone, of the awareness of what we are, of what we want, is an investment for our sentimental future. We learn to understand what we feel we deserve and what we really need. This creates a powerful attraction, a kind of positive appeal of men that can work better for us and, at the same time, a somewhat implicit exclusion of those that can somehow be harmful or trivially useless.
5 tips to celebrate your singletudine even at Christmas
"I deserve"
Learn to perceive yourself as a person who deserves to be happy, to have a man who knows how to make you shine and to improve your life. Repeat it like a mantra, so as not to settle and expect to have a special man next to you, because you are special.
Learn to keep your company
Solitude, as we have said, is a state of the soul. So start to love yourself, respect yourself and be happy in the company of yourself. If you appreciate yourself and are serene, you will certainly release positive and proactive energy, which will attract better quality relationships.
Train your seduction and your eros
This training teaches you to never lose the goal of how to improve your erotic self-esteem and your seductive ability, especially when you are alone. Get in touch with the limits you want to overcome, with the embarrassments you want to get out of, with the inhibitions you want to get rid of. And when you don't have a partner, you can do it with more freedom, because you feel less the pressure of the other's expectations.
Celebrated
Christmas can be an excellent opportunity to think of making gifts, both material and non-material, that can be used throughout the year. So try to imagine filling your tree with lots of packets, be they good intentions or initiatives or experiences to do throughout 2018.
Always remember how much you are worth
The value is obviously linked to your daily life, to the awareness that you have of yourself and to the fact that if you love yourself, it will also be easier for you to love each other in a healthy way.
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