It's like being in a bubble. I slipped in after the last romantic relationship, a few years ago. Since then I haven't had any stories, flirtations, or sexual involvement. Since he left, suddenly leaving me "Without much explanation, I was so ill as to decide to dedicate myself only to my children and to my work. I reshaped myself with priorities. And perhaps even emotionally numb. The idea of ??a new love story but also of meeting someone, It doesn't seem to concern me, it's better to avoid encounters, keep distances.
"I have reshaped myself on priorities. And maybe even emotionally numb"
I have become accustomed to referring to myself for every decision, not to share existence. To wear-free awkward pajamas, to throw myself on the sofa in the evening with the remote control in hand as a scepter of my evening, to crumble my meals around the house. Things that initially marked the void, how ugly to reach into a deserted bed, but with time they have become a comfort . I did somersaults, faced dark moments. But I survived, and also well. Because sometimes it's just the fear of being left alone to make us look for someone.
"Sometimes it's just the fear of being alone that makes us look for someone" We need the other to fill us up, to spur us on. But with this fear, it is easier then that love takes over our life, tear us away from the things we love. Sometimes it works like a sticker to stay in unsatisfactory relationships: in order not to be abandoned we make good what is good for us.
Common sense also says that having a partner is essential. As if sentimental relationships were a biological necessity, central to well-being, especially for women: if you don't have a story or a family you are strange, pathological, something is wrong. Then translate into the fear of being alone .
Single by choice, and not
But it is also true that being alone many times is not a choice but a justification. All those emotional tolls we put on our sentimental journeys seem to us, without telepasses for anyone. Basically, it is useless to deny it, we are afraid to commit ourselves, to make room for someone in our lives. Because opening up to another means taking risks, engaging emotions. Letting yourself get involved looks a lot like getting hurt.
"Getting close to our previous injuries again" A new intimate story actually raises past pains, reopens distant wounds. In the deepest layers of us, rubbish, losses, anger are piled up, we are so frightened by the possibility of recalling them that we get stuck. It is an attempt to avoid psychological injuries, those of being rejected, trampled, betrayed, abandoned. Because when we are faced with a new person and the time comes to undress in an affective sense, it is not only embarrassment to stop us but above all bitterness for every time we have suffered. Getting close to scratch on our previous injuries again. And this yes it hurts ... It blocks us when it is time to introduce ourselves to someone, it freezes us when it is time to share ourselves with the other.
8 tips to get out of the fear of falling in love:
1) Become aware of your defenses
That is the walls we raise, fears that block us like the fear that no one can really be interested in us or the comparison with others. Of all the maneuvers with which we sabotage our need for intimacy. Sometimes we have to work a lot on these aspects.
2) Emerging from the bubble into which we have slipped
It means leaving the reassuring lair and increasing the possibility of meetings and exchanges, beyond sentimental entanglements. However, it is better to create relationships as a means to discover new parts of ourselves and what makes us happy.
3) Push your limits
Do "psychological stretching" to discover your possibilities. Being single for a long time does not mean having forgotten the skills necessary for a relationship, it has only lost training.
4) Realize that you know how to work alone and be autonomous
This predisposes to looser relational dynamics, remaining on its own independence, avoiding unbalancing towards the other. If we open up to a story it is to add something to our life, to "expand" not to fill empty spaces.
5) Not to be self-referential
Avoid referring to that sort of personal regulation of how love stories should be compiled based on past experience. What is good in personal theory does not work in real life. And also avoid putting the other under the microscope but keeping the center on themselves.
6) Give yourself opportunities, put yourself to the test
Test your femininity, too. Learn to play, flirt lightly but consciously. Give others the chance to get to know and appreciate us.
7) Face inner challenges
There is a lot at stake when we are in close contact with another person but we need to delve into the feelings and expose the vulnerability. Realizing the power we have over our sentimental destiny, focusing on what we can handle.
8) Ref letters on the need to meet others at a deep level
The unconscious always tries to return to our beginning, to rework and cure the traumas we have suffered. It attempts to fill in gaps, to harbor shortcomings and can only do so through new relationships. Taking chances in this direction is necessary.
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