It's time to celebrate women who do everything by themselves!
I have been a single mother for the past 27 years, and despite having been married twice (this has allowed me to live "the mother situation" also from the point of view of a married woman) in recent years I have experienced varied social and personal experiences that have not always proved to be supportive and free from prejudices and judgments both towards me and against my two children. It is time for me to express my point of view on the advantages and also on the actions that a single mother can put in place to live with her creatures the quality of life she desires.
Single mothers are people to be admired, not to be ignored or worse still to consider as standard B. They are normally tireless workers and have clear priorities. It is necessary to suspend judgment to understand how the mind of a single mother works because it is the living example of the effectiveness of multi-tasking ability at home and in life. There is nothing comparable around, not even the ability to manage a multinational company (I know something about it, I've been working on it for years), the single mother is in a state of her own, it's an experience in itself.
Being a single mother is a tough job, but it's also an incredible experience.
I admit it, I still dissociate myself, when some colleague or enlightened "expert" in the field (maybe fresh / or graduated, or without the slightest direct or indirect experience) addresses us courageous women as a bad example of parenting. What is unknown, judged and sometimes feared, so a label for these people is often reassuring. I was raised by a single mother and I have dozens of family and friends who are mothers or single fathers themselves. For what they heroically do every day in the world, I think that single parents have not been given the right recognition they deserve! After all, many of us would not be here without them. So I confronted single mothers and talked to their adult children, and I was also inspired by some of my past experiences with my mother.
1) Did you know that there is a party to celebrate single parents? It's true! In 1984, President Ronald Reagan consecrated the National Single Day Parents on March 21st. Americans are good enough to create and celebrate holidays to honor the things, people and events they admire and are moved by noble intentions. This means that it is also time for Itala to recognize the strength and dedication it takes to be a single parent.
2) Single moms don't have to negotiate (unless they want to). All decisions at home are unilateral. What you say is law. The only reaction to face is: "It's not fair! Alas !! Another advantage of this fact is that, in the absence of discussion with the partner, you learn a lot from these experiences directly with your children. You can show them how to communicate and express frustration without shouting, for example. I remember the old saying: "If the mother is not happy, nobody is happy"
3) We are role models for independence. When there is no one else there to do the things we are not able to do, we learn (I can paint the house on my own and I also mount the furniture, for example, I have a very skilled friend to repair irons and electrical sockets). I also know of single mums who changed tires, connected a TV system, learned to cook, moved heavy furniture, hung shelves and even assembled bikes for their babies for Christmas. A colleague of mine once told me that he found these skills incredibly sexy and cmq. by doing this, single mothers educate their children to be truly independent. When children grow up and start looking for a relationship, it's generally because they really like someone, not because they need one to survive.
4) Sharing the "thalamus" is a choice. The National Sleep Foundation reports that sleeping in two in the same bed can result in the loss of at least 49 minutes of sleep per night. This is unacceptable for every mom, but it's absolutely obscene for a single mom. These single parents are lucky because generally, they sleep (after the first years of the life of the little ones) calmly all the time they want. They can choose to co-sleep with children on a stormy night or in the company of a partner, at their discretion.
5) They are often in better shape. A Cornell University study found that women generally earn 5-8 pounds in the first few years of marriage. And what gets worse if you are unhappily married. Single Moms: they don't have to give up the salad for dinner because their spouse is hungry for pasta and ragù, or suffer the temptation of fried foods that the spouse eats. What is another freedom arising from being a single mother? Go to sleep whenever you like. Wear what you want, without having to do surveys on the partner's satisfaction. In other words, there is no need to justify your choices with anyone.
6) Single mothers are Superheroes. Their children think they are exceptional (and they are!). The children of single mothers think that they are extraordinary when mum can: cook the homemade pizza for the parents' meeting in the church, take them to the catechism, do the tests of the carnival dress and take them in time to their birthday party best friend, in time to return from their work. These children also love that the mother always finds the time to help them unlock a video game, or participate carefully in the collection of shells on the beach, and start to mount the scale dinosaur with him. Single parent homes require flexibility in the role (what my son Martin called a day "mapà"). It is when mothers can pull out both of these aspects that children can feel safe and protected on all fronts. The single mother is trained to be a guide and shoulder for support beyond the contingent situation.
7) The struggle for survival creates a close-knit family. Some might argue that this is not good for children because it makes them mature faster than they would in a family with two parents, but when family members with a single parent have to organize and rely on each other, the harmony that occurs is undeniable. Just like in sports, single-family teams must work together. This is exactly what happens in families of single mothers, children learn the value of teamwork and to be reliable.
8) Children, thankfully, remember everything. They remember who was there to help them with their homework, cook them, clean them, who brought them to play football and the races from work to be present at their play. They also remember how their mothers gave up an appointment or an extraordinary shift to be with them when they were sick, or how they helped them achieve their goals.
9) Single mothers have a monopoly on the values ?? with which their children grow. Once they live with a full-time parent, this is the lifestyle children tend to adopt, even if the father was a "Negative". Single mothers are free to raise their children with the skills, morals, beliefs, character, and lifestyle they have chosen.
10) Single mothers have the strong inner power and not only. I can find their strength to be better for their children. This is growing progress with the experience that many other parents never reach. Satisfaction, when children are successful against predictions, is exhilarating because it is the crowning achievement of their efforts. It is a reward for all the demanding work and sacrifices.
11) Sometimes these extraordinary women slip into an emotionally unsatisfactory or abusive relationship and the challenge is to get out of them as best as possible and as soon as possible. This is a great lesson for your children. When a mother moves away from a violent partner, the children see and learn the importance of setting limits for herself and that she is respecting herself by acting correctly so as not to allow anyone to cross those boundaries. BETTER HAPPY BY ONLY THOSE ABUSED UNHAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP OR IN A MARRIAGE! Here is what the message that children internalize and manifest in their future relationships.
12) Single mothers are super creative and astute. A single income certainly creates some discomfort, but this does not mean that a home with a single parent cannot be happy and fulfilling. This challenge drives you to do some creative management. Instead of going out and buying a clown costume for the school play, you create it with your children with what you have at home or with the remnants of fabrics from a friend of mamma. Single mothers are also masterful in creating "homemade fun". They make candy at home, make camping tents in the living room and make pillow fights in bed.
13) Here's a big advantage: Often you don't have a mother-in-law!
14) Single moms discover and deal with things they didn't know they had the strength to do. This allows us, quietly, to try things that others have always secretly wanted and had never had the courage to do. And we become an example for others. "But how do you do it?" It's a constant question in my life. And my answer is, after: "just organize", "well if I did it you can do it too". "Of course, if Tiziana can raise 2 children go back to study, become an entrepreneur, pay her husband's debts, write books, go to her son's marathon and make homemade bread every day, well if that's not a demonstration of where and how to find our inner driving force, that power that drives us to move forward even when things are really challenging, I don't know what else it is. Once in an interview with a colleague who has always lived in economic abundance, I said that my children and I found ourselves living with a cost of around 60 euros to feed us a month. To his puzzled look I replied with a precise list: “with 0.49 cents you buy one kg. of flour, 0.20 cents 2 beer yeasts, mixed vegetables cost 0.67 cents at this supermarket and if you serve them 4 times, the pasta costs 0.40 cents per kg in that other supermarket, the sandwich costs around 0.36 cents and with 4 packs we prepare breakfast for the month to go to school with jam 1.45, etc ... etc ... To his puzzled look I replied with a precise list: “with 0.49 cents you buy one kg. of flour, 0.20 cents 2 beer yeasts, mixed vegetables cost 0.67 cents at this supermarket and if you serve them 4 times, the pasta costs 0.40 cents per kg in that other supermarket, the sandwich costs around 0.36 cents and with 4 packs we prepare breakfast for the month to go to school with jam 1.45, etc ... etc ... To his puzzled look I replied with a precise list: “with 0.49 cents you buy one kg. of flour, 0.20 cents 2 beer yeasts, mixed vegetables cost 0.67 cents at this supermarket and if you serve them 4 times, the pasta costs 0.40 cents per kg in that other supermarket, the sandwich costs around 0.36 cents and with 4 packs we prepare breakfast for the month to go to school with jam 1.45, etc ... etc ...
In my experience single mothers are stronger than many other people because things and situations must create them and earn in spite of phrases like: "Oh, it's a shame that those kids have no father, poor children" To as I see it, single mothers and single fathers today are the backbone of the new world to come.
Here are 2 secrets to being an effective single mother.
Know your priorities! children are always at the top of the rankings.
Be a good planner. Define a monthly budget and respect it, plan the extraordinary expenses within the budget: trips and celebrate special occasions, always.
At home, be parents but also the best friend for your children. Besides being both the mother who nurtures and is the father who disciplines, a best friend is essential for your children. They need someone to talk to, play and learn.
At work, be the best of yourself. It is necessary to have a job to support a family, better if it is the one that realizes you in your talents. It makes you proud of yourself. Who says you can only live on food? Why depend on your ex when you can make full use of your talents and skills to provide your children on their own, everything you need?
Choose a time for you and dedicate yourself to the things you love or your passions. What can you give your children if your "batteries" are empty?
always be grateful, stop and think of all the people you have met and who surround you ready to support you.
Did you find my post interesting? Leave a comment below and share it with your friends. What is your experience regarding the topic of the post?
A taken, with gratitude always ... to the next post
Comment Policy : Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, saepe gubergren sed id, et est posse insolens temporibus, alterum blandit offendit est et. Quando vocibus nam at. Quo malis detraxit ut, eu nulla decore mentitum, eu ferri postulant urbanitas pri. Nihil consul viderer vel ea, vel doctus accusamus gloriatur ut. Elitr iuvaret.