How to be single and happy: the advice of the book
Jennifer L. Taitz calls it "the husband's treadmill". You think you are happy only when you have a relationship. At the beginning great euphoria, then everything returns as before.
The "husband's treadmill" is Taitz's translation of "hedonic treadmill". It is a theory that suggests returning to the same level of happiness after almost every positive or negative event. But the author claims that it is also applicable to relationships.
Taitz, a clinical psychologist, begins his book with a bang: "being in a couple will not change your life". At least not in the way you believe. The author cites a 2012 global Reuters survey. The research reveals that 45% of respondents said finding a partner would be the key to their happiness. It also mentions a 2006 study, published in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science. According to the data, university students consider singles people insecure, sad, alone and even ugly.
In How to be single and happy the testimonies of the patients followed by the psychologist are reported. One of these is a woman forced into an unhappy marriage but at the same time could not imagine her life without her husband. The woman, after divorcing, admits that she feels free, and certainly more serene than she had imagined.
Happiness is therefore only in our mind. Like the conviction of having to need someone to live our life completely.
The author's personal experience
Taitz also talks about his personal experience. In the book, he writes: “When I think back to my life, especially my single life, I notice that I was unhappy because of what was happening in my mind. Not in my real life ".
Now that she is married and a mother, Taitz says she still has moments of insecurity and discomfort. Her husband said he'd like to have friends, for example, and she (mistakenly) thought he meant she was a boring partner. A growing number of research suggests that singles are in many ways better than their married counterparts.
First, singles tend to have stronger social networks. A 2015 study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, found that singles are more likely than married people to be in touch with their parents, siblings, neighbors and friends. And as Rachel Gillett of Business Insider reports, the BLS data shows that singles spend more time in leisure activities than married ones. The point here is not to compare the single and married lifestyle and to declare one the winner. It is realizing that, however trivial it may seem, it is possible to be happy. Anywhere and with or without anyone.
If you have a desire for a family, you should pursue this goal. But without taking for granted that there is happiness until it is reached. It is inadvisable to waste most of your life desiring what you do not have. Meanwhile, we would risk losing friends, opportunities, achievements. In short: life itself.
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